My blog below for Prematurity Awareness was mostly a recap of Richie's arrival and subsequent NICU stay. I don't think I fully captured what I feel it means to be a preemie mom and all that goes along with it, so I'm going to attempt to do that here. I think being the mommy of a preemie is a very special job. It's one no preemie mom takes lightly and it gives mommy-hood a whole new perspective. But it's not without it's unique set of challenges and heartaches and happy days and elation.
- I sometimes feel robbed that I didn't get to spend the extra time with my in-tummy baby. I am grateful that we were able to meet him and I think Fred is secretly happy that Richie came early because then he got to spend the time with him, but I really enjoyed when it was just the two of us and wish it could have lasted longer (like 7 1/2 weeks longer...). I may have been uncomfortable and crabby and complaining, but there were also so many great things about it.
- The NICU made me uncomfortable. I always felt like an outside visitor - afraid to say and do the wrong thing. There were times I had to tell myself that this was MY baby and I could do what I want. But the reality is, that isn't true. You can't do what you want. The nurses dictate what you can and can't do, which at times is nice because you're a new parent and have no clue what you're doing and at times sucks because you're a new parent and all you want to do is be with your baby.
- As Richie grows, I sometimes forget he's a preemie. I read in another preemie mom's blog (sorry, I can't remember whose!) that they're preemies until they're 2. After seeing that, it really showed me that I sometimes forget that he's a preemie just because of his size. I really have to remember and watch it because there are things that preemies need to be extra careful of.
- The travel nurse came over this week to give Richie his first Synagis shot. While she was here, she said that parents are really the ones who can protect their babies the most (she was talking about germ protection). And I was thinking, we're really his only protection! He is with us 24/7 (or will be until he starts daycare) and is completely and totally dependant on us. While this is an awesome responsibility, it takes on a new meaning with a preemie. Preemie lungs are not as developed as a full-term baby. Any sickness that FT babies would be able to fight relatively easily is much, much harder for premature lungs and immune systems to fight off. This makes me terrified on a daily basis.
- Because he was so early (and because this flu season is extra-bad), we've been pretty much quarantined. We stay home almost all the time. Richie has been to a restaurant twice, been to Target once (during a non-peak time), and to a wedding (Fred was in it, so we had to go. I probably should have stayed home with him because it almost caused me to have an anyeruism). Other than that, it's been to the Dr.'s office. He's 11 weeks old today. When I talk about it with people, they all say they understand, but I can tell they don't really. It's amazing how few people understand what having a preemie is all about. I know I didn't before I had one.
- Parents of full-term babies want their little ones to stay little, I think. They fully enjoy this early-baby stage and enjoy watching their LO's grow, but would be ok if it wasn't so fast. Preemie parents have a different take on it. They want their kids to grow as quickly as possible, to get on growth charts and to make up for the time they would have spent in the womb. Fred and I get so excited when he's put on a lot of weight and that he's on the regular growth charts. I just hope that we don't forget to take the time to enjoy his early-babyness.
- Milestones. They don't mean as much to preemie parents. I think we have to learn to let that go. Other people don't understand that our babies won't reach them at the same time as full-term babies. I have to learn to understand that, too. I keep wanting my kid to be the exception and to reach all those milestones right on time. He hasn't and he won't. He was 32 weeks when he was born - of course he isn't going to be the same developmentally as a 2 month-old who was born at 40 weeks! But I have a hard time with that sometimes. I just want to give him all the best.
Ok, that's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there will be more. I am so tired - that's one thing that is no different for preemie parents - we're just as SLEEP DEPRIVED as full-term parents! :)
1 comment:
I found your blog from the preemie board on the bump - my daughter was also born at 32 weeks, on Sept 8, so she is basically at the same point as your little one. I completely agree with everything in this post - especially the part about wanting her to get as big as possible asap! She's not quite as big yet - about 7.5 lbs. I also have her secluded at home. We haven't gone anywhere except walks around the neighborhood & the doctors. I feel bad about not taking her around especially to family events with little kids - but you must do what you have to!
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