Just for Laughs

And since the post I just wrote is sad, here is something to lighten the mood a little bit :)

Another Monday

Some stats: it's been 2 weeks since we found out that our baby didn't develop, 2 days since the miscarriage actually happened, and I would have been 10 weeks today. One hope I have: that I don't follow how far along I would have been. I did that last time and it did not do good things to my mental health. I think I remember this one so well because I would have been 10 weeks on the 10th. But I also would have been 15 weeks on the 15th, so I guess we'll see how it goes. I need to STOP keeping track!

I decided to stay home today for two reasons.
1) I haven't stopped bleeding yet. I was really, really hoping that it would be done by today. It's not. And since this is a miscarriage as opposed to my regularly scheduled period, I can't use tampons (TMI). It's gross, but now I'm really, really hoping that it ends today.

2) I think I just need some mental time to process this all. I mean, we lost our baby. Granted, it never developed beyond the size of a speck, but it developed much further along than that in our minds and hearts. I know grief is an individual process and the time it takes looks different for everyone. I also know that I won't be done with it in one day. I'm not expecting that. It's just that I've spent a lot of time NOT thinking about it this weekend (which is hard to do, considering that the physical part of the miscarriage was this weekend), that I think I owe it to myself to spend some time on it, or it won't ever get better.

Fred is staying home today, too. I think if you asked him, he would say it's because he has a big paper due tomorrow and he also needs to take 2 days of vacation this month or he loses them, but I truly believe he just wants to make sure I'm doing ok.

How it all went down

Well, internet, we (as in Fred and I, but mostly me) survived our ordeal. And it was rather an ordeal. At the same time, though, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting, since I was expecting near-death. Luckily, that didn't happen.

I took the Cytotec (I should clarify - I inserted the Cytotec. Yech) at about 11:15 am yesterday morning. I kept thinking that I was feeling something, but I knew it was too early. My ob had said that it would take about 4 hours. So, I just laid in bed and read a book and watched tv. Really, not all that different from any other Saturday.

I started feeling crampy at about 5:00. They were pretty mild at this point, but lesson learned: take the Percocet before you actually really, really need it. I learned this the painful way. I kept laying down and actually fell asleep through the start of the worst of it.

I would say that the worst of it started around 6:30 and lasted until about 10:30. I was in bed up until about 8. It was at this point that I went downstairs and there was a lot of blood (graphic, I know, but if you're reading this I'm assuming you can stomach it). I took the Percocet at 8:00 and it kicked in around 8:45.

During that last hour and half (9-10:30), there was a lot of blood and clots (again with the TMI). It was gross, painful, and disturbing. I think I passed most of everything during that time frame. During that last 30 minutes, though, I started feeling better and the bleeding slowed down. All in all, I only took one Percocet and two of the anti-nausea meds.

The bleeding today has been pretty minimal, which is good. I still think I might need another day for my mental health and to make sure that all the bleeding is done. I'm pretty sure (but don't actually know) that it will be over tomorrow and done by Tuesday. I think I might take a mental health day from work just to make sure I've worked through this all, but I'll make that call tomorrow morning.

As for next steps - I'm going to call my Dr's office tomorrow to schedule the follow-up appointment for a week from tomorrow. My ob said that we should do an ultrasound to make sure everything passed and discuss next steps. So, more info to come on that!

I'm just glad we made it through it okay. Fred did get crabby at me for spending too much money at Sephora. I guess I just can't catch a break.

Laying Low

I'm going to go take the Cytotec right now. Not going to lie - I'm scared of it and what happens next. I'm going to be lying in bed for basically the rest of the day. Maybe I'll make Fred go get me treats :)

I'll update once it's over.

The Plan

So Saturday is going to be the day that I take the Cytotec. I am going to get my prescriptions filled either tonight or tomorrow to be ready. I'm not looking forward to it. I can't remember, did I tell you all what my options were?

Option 1: Wait it out. I have not idea how long it would take and I still have a lot of hormones raging through my body. Option 1 was not an option for me.
Option 2: Take the Cytotec. My ob told me that it is going to be uncomfortable and pretty painful. I will have some severe cramping, so I was given a narcotic to help with that. Maybe I'll just sleep through the whole thing. I was also given an anti-nausea drug.
Option 3: Have another D&C. Which meant another surgery. The recovery wasn't so bad last time and she said that I don't have any scar tissue from the first one, but I'd rather not do it if I don't have to.

So, before I have to insert those tablets where the sun don't shine, I am going to head to the Sephora VIP sale! I have a 20% off coupon and I think it might be time to stock up on some fun makeup and other essentials.

Oh yeah, I'm also going to have some Diet Coke!!!!!

Over for Sure

Well, we got the news we were expecting at our Dr. appointment today. There was no progress, so we do not have a viable pregnancy. I mentioned in the post below that we have a blighted ovum. Since there isn't much tissue, I opted to go the medicine-induced miscarriage route and take Cytotec, instead of having the D&C (which is surgery again).

It totally blows that this is happening to us again. Our next steps are to schedule a follow-up ultrasound and appointment to make sure that all the tissue passed and to discuss next options. We're going to do some blood work and see if we can get any information as to why this keeps happening.

One thing that made me laugh: we got Ellie a piggy costume! It was on clearance at Target for $2.49. I'll post a picture once Fred loads them into the computer.

It's Monday.

And it's been one week since we found out our sad news. I decided to change our Dr.'s appointment to Wednesday, since I really wanted to meet with my own Dr. and not the PA. Nothing against her, I just wanted to talk about next steps in the same appointment with my Dr. She's great. I'm still feeling sick, but I'm trying to ignore it, since right now I feel like I'm being tricked. For those that don't know, I'm 99.9% sure that this is a blighted ovum. We'll get confirmation on Wednesday.

Other than that, we had a great time at Sarah and Jason's wedding!!! She was a beautiful bride and a great time was had by all. I know Ruth posted pictures on Facebook, but I don't know how long it will take for Fred and I to upload the few pictures our sorry-no-memory-card camera took.

Dr. Appt = Limboland

Well, internet, things did not go as I was hoping they would at our appointment. I got there, went through the usual girl-check-up and our OB was all for us doing an ultrasound. I was so excited. But, my excitement was pretty short-lived. In the ultrasound, we did not get to see our healthy baby. Instead, all we saw was a gestational sac and it looked almost empty. There was a small spot that looked like it could be something, but they couldn't tell. I should be 8 weeks today (as you all know), but everything was measuring about 6 weeks and 4 days. So what does this all mean? They're not sure. My Dr. isn't hopeful, but isn't ruling anything out quite yet. I'm going back next Monday for a follow-up ultrasound. Please send us prayers that this can still turn out ok.

I'm pretty upset, but I feel worse for poor Fred :(

Raspberry Baby!!!!

"Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy."

Raspberries are probably my all-time favorite fruit!

Our Dr. appointment is in about an hour, so I will post an update this afternoon!

Weekends used to be fun.

It's not like they aren't anymore, but I don't enjoy them the way I used to. I feel like crap ALL DAY LONG. And, on Friday night I threw up for the first time - hard-core threw up. I know it's TMI, but I don't really care. I've been trying not to throw up ever since, but I've had some dry-heaving episodes.

On a side note, it's only 6 days until Sarah and Jason's wedding!!!! Hooray!!!! I'll be taking the Megabus on Wednesday morning, which should be pretty interesting if the dry-heaving and sick-feelings continue, since it means 6 hours in a BUS.

Also, we have our first Dr. appt. TOMORROW!!!!! If you read this, please send us healthy-baby-development vibes!